Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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