yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize