You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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