Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
