im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
