Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
