Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
