I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
