So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
