Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
