Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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