Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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