WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
