paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
