next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
