so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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