Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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