I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
