I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
