don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
