I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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