proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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