There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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