Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
