the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
