So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
