what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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