I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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