i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
