i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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