idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
