Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
