Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
