so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
