Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
