I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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