really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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