I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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