you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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