i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You were trust falling into bushes
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
