just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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