your thong is hanging out like whoa
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
