Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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