I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
