Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
