piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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