What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
