After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize