there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
