There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
