Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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