i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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