If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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