I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
