I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
