How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize