You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
