Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
