he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
