We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
