I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
