They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize