I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
