shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
