I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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