i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
