its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
