I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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