Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
