I want to make a zoo with you.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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