you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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