I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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